Hold Their Hearts

I am sitting here knowing I need to blog and having no freakin' idea what to blog about.� My heart is very full of prayers for so many people right now that it is at times, consuming. Without mentioning names:



One friend with maritial problems and money problems.

One friend whose father has had a life changing illness and her parents refuse to acknowledge God because they feel He is the cause of their problems.

The friend who is travelling to the state where these parents live to try to help in any way she can.

A niece and sister who have just left their state and all their friends to start over someplace else, and the great nephew who has been momentarily left behind so he can finish up his season in his high school sport. (he isn't living on his own obviously!)...these same people have just had an unexpected death in their family last month and are still grieving.



I can do very little for any of them other than to offer an ear to listen and to support them in prayer, but it's hard knowing people are suffering and are not sure what the answers are.� The parents who will not accept God or feels He has deserted them, break my heart.� God does not create the problems here on earth; we do that all by ourselves.� Our world is so imperfect, often due to all the things we are exposed to such as pollutions and chemicals and heaven only knows what else. We all go through many valleys in our lives but we never walk them alone.� EVER.� And it is often in the valley that the ground is the most fertile; it is the time when we often search for God.� When we are so low and in desperation that�we cry out to him and that is what makes me know that though He does not cause the problems, he will use them in ways we often cannot even imagine.



There is this current song playing on The Message on my Sirius radio that I am madly in love with.� If you haven't heard it, look it up on YouTube, but the song is called "Hold My Heart" and I pray these words for all my friends and loved ones in these situations where they are struggling.

 

How long must I pray, must I pray to You

How long must I wait, must I wait for You

How long 'till I see Your face

See You shining through



I'm on my knees

Begging You to notice me

I'm on my knees

Father, will You turn to me, yeah?



One tear in the dropping rain

One voice in a sea of pain

Could the Maker of the stars

Hear the sound of my breaking heart?



One life is all I am

Right now I can barely stand

If You're everything You say You are

Would You come close and hold my heart?



I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes

So much can slip away before I say goodbye

But if there's no other way

I'm done asking why



'Cause I'm on my knees

Begging You to turn to me

I'm on my knees

Father, will You run to me, yeah?



One tear in the dropping rain

One voice in a sea of pain

Could the Maker of the stars

Hear the sound of my breaking heart?



One life is all I am

Right now I can barely stand

If You're everything You say You are

Would You come close and hold my heart?



So many questions without answers

Your promises remain

I can't see but I'll take my chances

To hear You call my name

To hear You call my name



One tear in the dropping rain

One voice in a sea of pain

Could the Maker of the stars

Hear the sound of my breaking heart?



One life is all I am

Right now I can barely stand

If You're everything You say You are

Would You come close and hold my heart?



Hold my heart

Could You hold my heart?

Hold my heart.





Songwriters: Donehey, Michael; Ingram, Jason David; Larue, Phillip; performed by Tenth Avenue North

�

Today is Looking Up

Today did not start out well.



Nothing major, but annoyances early in the morning are not my forte.� I had gone in to take a shower with Jonah (one of the cats who has apparently dubbed himself "Bathroom Cat" as he races me to the bathroom every morning for fear I will lock him out) and was waiting for the shower water to warm up.� It when then that I noticed The Lawyer had skewed with the shower curtain.� Though it looked like the liner was in the tub, it only was at the front half (where I could see it) and not in the back half, thus allowing water to shoot all over the floor as he also had the shower head aimed directly at the curtain.� Two soaked towels and one rather wet bathroom rug later, all was well.



The Lawyer tried to lie his way out of the Facebook scam (how very lawyerly of him) but his arguments were so ridiculous and he knew he was caught.� He tried to tell me it was his friend, Tyler's page and Tyler was just using his name....and his picture....and had friended his aunt (or ANT as The Lawyer spelled it on his FB page) and his grandmother.� He pretty much knew he was toast.� So grounded, ipod, laptop and DS all taken away from him until The Brit gets home (as he can go on the internet on all those items).



Today, I am having lunch with the wonderful Pastor Phil and I am very excited.� This is the man who raised the bar (and probably made most other pastors dull in comparison) for me on pastors because he is just a spiritual person.� He does not come across as preachy and we don't even necessarily talk about the Bible or any of that stuff.� He's just one of those people who you can see Jesus in everything they do and say and I am so blessed to call him "friend".



My other good news today is from the YMCA.� Tod's mom gave me a gift certificate almost two years ago for a personal training session and I was intimidated to use it.� A personal trainer?� Me?� It felt laughable.� But now that I know I need some serious help to get things moving again (I am not gaining...still maintaining) I really wanted to use a trainer once a month for a bit to learn some new stuff.� So, I had left the person in charge of those gift certificates, which expire after one year, a note on Monday asking if she might still honor it.� I never understand those kinds of things expiring because the money it was purchased with surely was spent and did not expire but anyway....Sonia called me back today and told me with her little latino accent that they did not usually allow expired certificates to be used, but I had been a member with the Y for a long time, and she was going to honor it.� I elected to set up my first session with her next Wednesday.� I was honest with her about my surgery and my workout regiment and she agreed I need some serious muscle work.� We will see how it goes.� It was a good week to do it as Michael will not be there next Tuesday, so no kickboxing.� But I may go at 7:00 that night for Zumba instead.



Tomorrow, lunch with Leisl before she leaves for Florida to�help care for her father.� He had a major blood infection that damaged heart arteries and he had open heart surgery on Monday.� He is doing well, but keep him in your prayers.



Friday, Frederick with Tod, I think...I assume that is still on.� I will work for bit and maybe leave early.



I love having an adult support system when The Brit is away...otherwise the children may not fair so well!

Puberty, Take II

Anyone who knows me, knows I adore Facebook.� It was the reason I had the blessing of being able to have dinner with my two childhood friends when I was in California and the reason I still have connections with many of my old theater friends as well as my current friends.� The Brit has a Facebook as well as does The Genius.� So, you can imagine that The Lawyer has been begging for one for a long time if for no other reason but to play Farmville.� He is his mother's son, after all.



We finally struck a deal with him;�we would discuss�a Facebook summer of 2011 if he did well in school and got his reading up to grade level.� He seemed pleased with the challenge, though we are constantly butting heads with him over the reading.� He HATES it...and nothing I have tried has worked.� I have offered to buy him anything he would possibly be interested in reading but he insists he is interested in none of it.� Of course, I keep trying and just this weekend, bought him three books at Goodwill that seemed like they might hold interest for him.



So today, I was accepting a page suggestion on Facebook and for those of you not in the know, Facebook will make suggestions of people you may know and may want to become friends with.� This is a great feature as those people are not actually asking to be your friends, but it has helped me locate people I may not have otherwise thought to look for.



Well, today, one of the people Facebook thinks I may know is The Lawyer.



Yup, he elected to set himself up a Facebook page on or about the 19th of this month.� He thinks he is so clever and I am looking forward to informing him after school today that he is not. Thankfully, he joined the group on Facebook "Grenade Free America"...as it is all the rage right now.



So, he will lose his ipod and laptop until The Brit gets home at least and is grounded until then as well.� I� called The Brit in Denver to discuss and this is what we decided upon for now.� It must inevitable; our sweet, adorable boys eventually hit puberty and become sneaky and manipulative and test boundaries.�



But boundaries were so much easier when he was five.

Thank God All I Had to do was Lie on the Table

So not long after my surgery two and a half years ago, I met this woman at my gym named Cathy.� She is in her 50s and back then I was pretty open about having had gastric bypass. She had been interested and had asked questions and we chatted a few times after that, but over the last two years and the fact that I don't get to the Y much over the summer, our conversations the last year have been pretty much one or two sentence exchanges.



Today, I was finishing up my workout and Cathy was standing there talking to one of the gals who works in the gym...I'll call her Amanda as I have no idea of her name.� I could tell Cathy was talking to me, so I pulled off my headphones and smiled.� She asked me how my weight loss was coming and I told her I had been plateued for the past year.� She then looked at Amanda and said "She had gastric bypass."� I told Amanda I was pretty sure I needed to switch up my workouts but wasn't sure what else to do and I was considering meeting with a trainer on occasion.� Cathy then said "Amanda has lost weight."...



I replied that she looked great and yes, I had noticed and I asked her how she had done it.� Amanda said just watching what she ate and she did get some training from Stephanie, one of the trainers.� Cathy then said, "Yeah, and Amanda did it all by herself."



Because obviously, I cheated.� I still managed to smile at the bitch.



Amanda and I had a chat after Cathy left about carbohydrates, calories and the need to build muscle mass to speed up metabolism and I left actually feeling excited.� I am thinking about meeting with a trainer, maybe once a month.� It's $35 for an hour but if she can switch me up every so often, maybe I can solve my problem.� Despite Cathy being a wench, I was glad for the chance to get to talk to Amanda, hear her story and exchange my own and thankfully she did not seem as judgemental.



And this is why I no longer offer the fact that I had surgery to anyone.

Methinks Someone Needs His Own Blog

So Jimnotmike is proposing a guest blogger on Fridays or maybe every other Friday when The Genius has therapy.  Jim, I would be more than happy to have you blog whenever you would like to send me something and that goes for anyone else who would like a guest spot.  I cannot always guarentee a blog post on Fridays, so even if I have several from other people or just Jim to post, I can use them as I need them.  So not a problem.

Kickboxing last night was fabulous and just what I needed.  Michael is great fun and I love getting there early just to chat and we can cover a wide range of topics.  Then there is this older man in my class named Ray, with a gray beard and ponytail and he is a hoot as well.  He and I both stand up front, near Michael and last night, they were both just full of themselves and it was rather contagious, so much giggling amidst sweating ensued and it was a wonderful release for me.  I love that class and I hope he never quits teaching it.

I am having lunch next week with one of my very favorite people ever; our former interim pastor, Phil.  I adore him, love talking to him, just love soaking in some of his wisdom and humor.  He is an amazing person and one of the best men I have ever met in my life.  Seriously.  Not even mildly exagerating on that one.  He is just a good man. 

My mood has been better today, though there are still some evil forces at work within my life. I just keep repeating to myself over and over again: "Perspective".  I don't always know if it is working, but the reminder cannot be a bad thing.

I am more or less still South Beaching.  No bread.  Low carb for the most part.  I can tell the water has been a bit cooler because my water consumption has been sucking.  I have no problem downing

Methinks Someone Needs His Own Blog

So Jimnotmike is proposing a guest blogger on Fridays or maybe every other Friday when The Genius has therapy.� Jim, I would be more than happy to have you blog whenever you would like to send me something and that goes for anyone else who would like a guest spot.� I cannot always guarentee a blog post on Fridays, so even if I have several from other people or just Jim to post, I can use them as I need them.� So not a problem.



Kickboxing last night was fabulous and just what I needed.� Michael is great fun and I love getting there early just to chat and we can cover a wide range of topics.� Then there is this older man in my class named Ray, with a gray beard and ponytail and he is a hoot as well.� He and I both stand up front, near Michael and last night, they were both just full of themselves and it was rather contagious, so much giggling amidst sweating ensued and it was a wonderful release for me.� I love that class and I hope he never quits teaching it.



I am having lunch next week with one of my very favorite people ever; our former interim pastor, Phil.� I adore him, love talking to him, just love soaking in some of his wisdom and humor.� He is an amazing person and one of the best men I have ever met in my life.� Seriously.� Not even mildly exagerating on that one.� He is just a good man.�



My mood has been better today, though there are still some evil forces at work within my life. I just keep repeating to myself over and over again: "Perspective".� I don't always know if it is working, but the reminder cannot be a bad thing.



I am more or less still South Beaching.� No bread.� Low carb for the most part.� I can tell the water has been a bit cooler because my water consumption has been sucking.� I have no problem downing 64 plus ounces when the weather is hot, but once it cools down, I just am not as thirsty as during the summer months, but I am trying.� I also have been enjoying an occasional Coke Zero, which is not something I usually do, but we are still talking like one a week so nothing major.� Have been drinking more hot tea too and not sure what that is all about.� A hot cup of regular tea in the evenings and a hot cup of green tea at work.� Ah well, water based, so it counts, right?� I still want to soon hit the canal for a bike trip...maybe next week after work one day.�



And I am planning on the Baltimore Running Festival in October.� I want to go to the health and fitness expo and I am just gonna do it.� Not sure where I am going to drive to or park, but that will be my focus next week.� I need an adventure to break up the monotony and irritation of my life at the moment and this is a perfect excuse.� I'm on it.

To the Point

I have really been feeling rather melancholy lately...drifting...not sure where my focus is at the moment.� I guess we all hit these times of struggling, at least I think we do, but I can't seem to figure out what makes them easier to deal with.� I don't think strangling the people who annoy us is acceptable last I checked, so that leaves coping.



I'm usually pretty passionate about things; life, exercise, health but I am lacking that at the moment and I gues I just have to ride it out a bit longer.� My fuse has been really short as has my attention span.� The weekend was nice and relaxing and did help, but Monday brought with it the normal problems and frustrations.� So not like me!�



And it affects the blog too.� I can't seem to focus on any one topic at the moment, but instead ebb and flow with the surf and probably not always making much sense.� Sometimes I can't be too specific about things for various reasons and that frustrates me too.� Dear Lord, do not let this be the start of menopause or I may not survive it in its entirety without mental health intervention.� Let this just be a funk I can't seem to shake.



Kidless weekend this weekend and that may help me too to find some balance.� A teenager all but flunking his sophomore year and a ten year old entering into puberty do little to center me these days.� Not that it's their job but I seem to jump from one "crisis" to another with them lately.� So not sure what the weekend holds but I am already looking forward to some centering hopefully.



So anyway, readers, bear with me for a while longer yet.� I have probably been boring as hell, with no even halfway decent information to share, but things should improve soon...I am nothing if not optimistic.

Life Lessons; Always Learning

Okay, Jimnotmike, sorry about the lack of Friday blogging, but every other Friday especially is a blur.� First there is work, then gym, then home ever so briefly to try to get a few things done for fire pit Friday, then I have to pick The Genius up at school for his 3:10 therapy appointment that lasts an hour.� Then home to finish cleaning up the house and to get dinner started.� By the time we eat, I clean up dinner, sweep the deck and get the fire ready it is nearly 7:30.� So every other Friday especially, no time to breathe, yet alone blog.



I don't know yet if all of last week's baggage is finished for me or not.� I am still struggling with a�few aftershocks, especially when folks who were hurtful decide to give me their opinions about other more minor parts of my life.� If you aren't gonna support the big ones, why would I care about the minor stuff?�



I have learned that there are very few people I can truly rely on, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing.� Maybe I have tried to put too much stock in what other people think to the point that I depend on their opinions too much and it is not a mistake I will be making again anytime soon.� I am far from perfect and I know I have made mistakes with relationships and people and will make them again in the future, but I pray that I am wise enough to see if I have done something hurtful and to try to make amends.� For as outspoken as I can be, I hope I am never intentionally hurtful with�friends I care about and if I am, I hope I can recognize what I have done and then right it.�



I have learned that people don't always understand how we react to things that are said and that is okay.� I don't need people to understand why I, at times, will go to the opposite extreme of what they are griping about, but as long as it makes sense to me, and gets the job done, they don't need to understand.� Sometimes people only see what is in front of them and not the bigger picture and I try really hard to see the bigger picture, because there is one, always.� Be thankful when your biggest problem is donuts.



I am also learning that my system now barely tolerates any kind sugar treat, which is both sad and liberating.� I ate a piece of sugar free chocolate pudding pie with lite cool whip last night and was miserable over it.� Had another similar thing happen over the weekend.� Probaby a good thing, even if a little bit sad.

Thursday Thirteen: Perspective

1. So as the week draws to a close, I finally feel a sense of calm begin to settle over my spirit.� It's been a rough one; both in my work life and in my personal life.� It has been a process.



2. I always feel guilty when someone hurts my feelings; like it isn't something I am supposed to be feeling, like I shouldn't care if someone let me down or said something hurtful.� But I have had to accept this week that things did upset me and there was nothing wrong with that.� Maybe at times the ones who hurt me might not think I have cause to be hurt, but we all feel what we feel.� So, I allowed myself to feel what I felt and did not allow myself to feel guilty about it.



3.� I am not one to disown people and I don't plan on starting, but I did need time to work through my emotions about situations and words.� I needed time to forgive.� I needed time to get part way through my time of the month so that my hormones and emotions calmed down.� Today has thankfully been better.



4. I ran today for the first time in over a week, which I think also helped.� Drove out to a different park after work for a change of scenery, which Tod had suggested and though it was still rough going, I survived and felt better for doing it.



5. Still not sure how to deal with the petty situations at church but am working on it.� Not sure why churches can attract people who want to cause trouble and stir things up but they do.



6.� The Church Lady and I are still not speaking and Thursdays have never been so pleasant.� That is probably a bad attitude but it is keeping the peace.



7. I have loved this afternoon.� Rain, which we so needed and it must be Fall...I am wearing socks inside the house.



8. I have read two really good books in the last two days, which have probably also been helpful to me this week.� "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" has been on my reading list for a few years now and I picked it up at a thrift store last week.� Really good book.� Today, I finished "The Noticer" and have handed it off to The Brit to read.� It is a story about perspective that really made me think long and hard about some things.



9. All the books I had on hold at the library have decided to come in at the same time.� I am now moving onto "Safe Haven" by Nicholas Sparks and then "Such a Pretty Face" by Cathy Lamb.� I spotted the latter at Walmart, took a photo of the cover and then looked it up online in the library catalogue.� I love that our library has that option and I can reserve books from the couch.



10. Tomorrow is fire pit and I took all the cushions off the deck this morning as it looked like it was going to rain.� The cushions had been a major haven for stink bugs.� I wish they would all die.



11. Interesting thing about "The Noticer".....one of the perspectives that is discussed is that you can change instantly...so someone agrees with Jimnotmike.



12. I have no idea what to make for dinner nor fire pit tomorrow night.� I think I have cookies in the freezer but that does not help me with dinner.



13. I may attend the Baltimore Running Festival by myself next month.� i have asked a few people about it a few months ago but no commitments.� I decided that if I really want to go, I don't need someone to go with (though if someone does want to go, I will certainly not turn it down).� They have the health expo and merchandize etc and I would just like to experience it.

�

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Yay for the New GoDaddy Girl!

No, it isn't me, but when I logged on today, there was my favorite Biggest Loser trainer on the GoDaddy homepage!� Go Jillian!



This week has been irritating thus far.� People being petty, not enough hours in the day.� The pettiness really, REALLY gets to me.� There are people in the world with REAL problems and people are griping about stupid stuff.� I suppose I should be compassionate and make myself feel that it must be a huge problem for those griping but when I try to make myself feel that way, my next thought is "BE GLAD THAT IS THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!" I mean, seriously!� Of course, I tend to react to this kind of stuff with going to the extreme in the other direction just to maybe prove a point; like that maybe it just ISN'T THAT BIG A DEAL.� Hey, that's how I roll.



Took out some major frustration in kickboxing tonight.� I was ON!� Punch?� No problem today!� I have mental targets.� Upper cut?� Muhahah.� You got it.� I actually feel a little bit better after that class tonight.�



I have to admit that I do enjoy Fall. Wish we could skip the winter part, but the Fall part is nice.� Cooler mornings and evenings, still warm afternoons.� I have loved wearing a hoodie again.� I still have many bits of Fall cleaning to do but today all the men were home as there were elections and The Brit stayed home as the kids were off school.� I don't get much done when they are all here.� But they did take all the crap we no longer needed outback to the dump today which thrills me.� I will soon be laying out my garden, so I won't need to deal with a trampoline or old grill or anything.� I do need to get my hands on a wheelbarrow however...to lug those bricks for the garden to where I plan on laying things out.� All in good time.



No weigh in this week...time of the month and all and I ain't stupid.

Callings, South Beach and Feelings, Oh My.

So for the few who did not ask, the skit on Sunday went VERY well.� I was totally pleased, relatively comfortable and remembered all the lines.� It was nice to get compliments as opposed to "Sorry, we can't cast you." for a change.� I got everything from "Will you do something like this every Sunday?" to "Your sermon was delicious!" to "You had me in tears." to "You have to do something more with this talent."� So, I am thinking of doing something more.� What if my lack of ability to get cast in a regular show is God's way of showing me what He wants me to do?� I have proposed a drama ministry at church, consisting right now of only me, with one skit per quarter.� That gives me time to select one that I feel led to do, memorize it and find the right time to do it for the congregation.



It seems a good fit for me.� I have no need to go back to the Apollo ever.� My last two experiences there with auditions were less than stellar.� There is no theater group in Hagerstown I would want to be involved with, especially as the dinner theater is an eight week commitment and I just don't have the time nor the desire to commit to that length of time.� I have too many other things I want to do.� And I really do not care to travel any further to audition nor perform anywhere else.� The biggest challenge is finding material that appeals to me and has a powerful message as the one Sunday did.� Time will tell.



I fell off the South Beach wagon on Friday and over the weekend.� I have been PMSing and have had my feelings hurt and I am an emotional eater, so at a time when my emotions were all over the place any way and then having something else happen, it all went South (or would that be North?� Ha!)..but I can report I am repeating at least one week of Phase One beginning today.� I hit the gym hard today, working legs and arms as well as core after a session on the elliptical.



Life is a constant struggle, isn't it?� Joys and sorrows, happiness and hurt and food always seems to center around so much of it.� The learning how to eat properly through all the twists and turns is a process; some days are successes and some are epic fails, but what I have learned is that fails are only fails for the moment.� It doesn't really matter that you fail...it matters that you pick yourself back up and get back on the right track.



I'm learning it, one day at a time.

The Clampetts Get Their Nails Done

I will not do this story justice and trust me, you just probably had to be there to experience the full magnitude of the fabulousness.� I am judging, yes,�I admit it, but some things are just like a train wreck, where you just cannot look away.



Today was my coveted pedicure day. Nothing feels better to a girl who has spent the week working out and fall cleaning, then to have her feet babied for 45 minutes and then to walk out with pretty toes. It is just a wonderful thing.� I got there about 12:20, having mentally prepared myself to have to wait as they would probably be busy as it was Friday, but much to my surprise, the place was empty.� The little korean (are they korean?) man smiled at me and asked what I needed and then told me to pick a color.�Then the little Korean lady I call Erin (not to her face, but she reminds me of a person I know named Erin.� I'm sure this woman's real name is something like�Ae Sook or Chung Ae�or something like that, but I refer to her mentally as Erin.� So, Erin set to work on my toes.



Well, a matter of minutes later, three women and one child walk into the shop.� The child of maybe 8, has a mohawk dyed green which first caught my attention.� The leader of the pack, a woman of size, announced she was flipping the bill for her sister's manicure, her friend's pedicure and her own "mani-pedi."� These women were loud and giggley and in�a matter of minutes, I found out that that the leader had apparently just come into a huge settlement for something (she brought in a Western Union bag with her if that means anything) and that they are from West Virginia, and no offense to any West Virginians, as I know several who are wonderful, bright, intelligent people, but these women were not so much; I am thinking mountain women.�



The Leader had, and I kid you not, the skankiest feet I had ever seen in my life and she was going to paint them and her nail neon green...the same color has her house and the new ball she bought at the Walmart yesterday.� No lie, not making this up.� We are talking built up calluses all over the bottoms of her feet, black toenails and unshaven legs. I have never seen any of those Korean girls wear a trashbag on her hands to shave off skin until today. These woman kept up a constant conversation the whole time.� The friend, an older woman had her eyebrow pierced and seemed to be the most normal of the bunch.� She informed The Leader that she would be her friend whether The Leader gave her any money or not (I am thinking this chick came into some big bucks...maybe she got a leg wax before she left).� Erin kept exchanging amused and thankful looks with me.� I think she was thankful I came in first and it was not she carving the pile of skin off Leader's feet.� Leader's husband game in, a small, round man,who had not yet visited a clothing store with his wife's recent inheritance and told me he had never had one of them there pedicures before".� I told him lots of men had not but it was probably a relaxing thing to do.�



The Leader told me that she and her sister had 7 siblings to which the sister replied "Seven?"� The Leader starts naming names.



"Matthew.."



Sister: Who is Matthew?



Leader: Larry's boy.� Our mama married him so he's our brother...and Christina..."



Sister: Who is Christina? (can you tell just how close knit a family they are?)



Leader: She was still born but she's still our sister!



I cannot make this stuff up.� I had to wait to get out into my car to break into laughter.� Not sure why this clan picked a nail salon in my town but it did make for an interesting pedicure!



Have a great weekend, gang!� 10:15 Sunday if any of you can come!

When Does It End?

So just how much trouble can one 15 year old kid get into less than a month into the new school year?� Holy hell, it never ends!� In the last two weeks, we have had the following:

 

• Assignments not turned into the teacher.


• Sleeping in class


• Playing his ipod games in class (the ipod has been grounded to the house)


• a stolen calculator.� He says a friend of his found it at the school and gave it to him.� It is now in the hands of the school.


• A 52% on a test.

Am I missing anything?� So we have implemented several things for him:

• The teachers are sending home progress reports each Friday.� If he gives them to me, and he has no missing work for the week, he gets his ipod for the weekend.


• He now has an implemented study time, five nights a week from 7:15-8:00.

Why does this ADHD teenager thing have to be so damn difficult?� He is a likeable kid and capable of really good grades.� But he does not do homework and the work he does in class he forgets to turn in.� He makes stupid decisions like taking this calculator the kid offered, which The Genius admitted was school property.� I explained to him that maybe his "friend" stole it and didn't want to get caught, so he pawned it off to the first doofus he could find.� Enter The Genius.



He is currently sitting across the living room watching a football game with The Brit and I find myself wondering if he is even worried about the situation tomorrow as I emailed the math teacher and his guidance counselor, so we can make this calculator thing right.� Does ADHD even give him the capacity to be nervous over something that has not happened yet?



Anyway, I have been in serious fall cleaning�mode the last two days because I have a new love.





I have a terrible ladder phobia.� They scare me...I am scared to death of falling off the stupid things.� But this little gem that I asked The Brit to buy months ago, is the dog's whatsits.� It is safe and sturdy and has a place to put paint or glass cleaner or a bucket, the possibilities are endless!� It has opened up a whole new world of cleaning for me and it is cleaning without fear.� I just got this one out of the basement for the first time since we bought it and have marvelled at it for two days now as I have used it.� I have cleaned windows and washed curtains and painted the door frame.� I have cleaned blinds and removed cobwebs from the ceiling.� I am in love.� I may grow to love it more than my Dyson.



I really am a simple girl....so I can I please just have a semi-easy son?

My Hero

Isn't it odd how there are suddenly moments when we feel overcome with emotion?� I had one of those moments this morning as I had to take The Lawyer to school as his bus was late and I could not leave for work until I knew he was safely on his way to school.� So, it was easier and faster for me to just take him, plus for someone who struggles with patience, taking him was being active as opposed to sitting and waiting for the already late bus.



As I dropped him off, I suddenly felt teary as I came to a sudden realization that this child, for all his arguments, is my hero.� When I was his age, I carried extra weight on me, but the fact remains that given the right tools and motivation, I could have lost the weigh.� The Genius, who is ADHD, is able to hide his disorder.� He looks normal on the outside as no one can see the way his brain functions.� Yes, he has his own challenges, but they are better hidden from the world.



The Lawyer, however, was born without digits on his left hand.� His "handicap", which has never really been a handicap for him, is out there for everyone to see, to stare at, to question, and children especially will always question someone or something that is different from themselves.� The Lawyer is not always comfortable answering these questions but yet he does, with a simple "I was born that way."� I can see at times he is self conscious about it as when going into a new situation with new people, he will pull his jacket down to hide it.� I won't go out of the house without makeup on...but he goes out every single day with his difference, prepared to face any questions, and on occasion, teasing that comes his way.



The children he has been in school with the last six years now know him as they have been in the same school together for that time.� He wins them over quickly as he is outgoing and heaven knows, talkative.� But in the sixth grade, several elementary schools merge into middle school and The Lawyer will be confronted with kids who don't know him and it begins for him all over again.� Middle school is also the age where children can be the cruelest and I suddenly wanted to weep this morning thinking about it, about the challenges he faces.� I found myself wishing with my entire heart, that I could give him that hand back; not a substitute hand, but the real thing.� I wish I could make that I had given birth to him and he was perfect, with no external flaws for anyone to gawk at or to question.



But that is but a wish that cannot come true.� Yes, there are prothesis, which he has not yet had a need for, but that is still a difference.� I can't change for him this part of what life has dealt him, no matter how much I want to.� But then I think to myself that in God's eyes, and mine, he is wonderfully and perfectly made.� I know that his ability to cope with this is going to make him stronger in the long run, that he will develop skills that some of us can only wish we had.� That knowledge does not make me want any less for things to be different for him, but it does change my wish to a prayer that The Lawyer always handles his difference with grace, that he never takes cruel words thrown his way to heart nor does he retaliate them and that he comes to know just how perfect he is in the eyes of his heavenly Father and his parents.



I may be PMSing as these kinds of emotions usually don't overcome me.� I look at The Lawyer and rarely see his "little hand", but today I was just overcome with all he must deal with on a daily basis.



On a South Beach note, I finally had a bowel movement and dropped two more pounds for a total of 8 so far.� Told ya.

Not Sure What I Think

So there has been no new losses on the South Beach front since Friday.� Friday I was down 6 pounds and I have held that number over the long weekend.� Granted, I did not work out over the holiday weekend and I am convinced I am simply one good bowel movement away from another five pound loss and I am really hoping that happens soon.



Went to lunch today with friends and then did some shopping, which was fun, though I got home really late and then had to race upstairs to change for kickboxing and fly back out the door in order to get gas on the way as I was rapidly moving to empty.� Then it was home, get dinner on the table, clean up dinner, start laundry, pack lunches, deal with a work issue and then write the blog.�





Hitting the gym tomorrow after work as now with three days off from it, my arms are no longer�yelling at me as I have been working them rather hard in the hopes of at least reducing my batwings a little bit.� Not sure there is any real cure for that,� but hey, worth a shot, right?



So can someone explain to me why men cannot make decisions?� Case in point.� Yesterday, The Brit and I were contentedly watching television, The Lawyer was playing at a friend's house and The Genius was upstairs doing whatever teenagers do.� The Brit started getting antsy, remarking that he wasn't sure he wanted to sit and do nothing all day.� When questioned as to what he wanted to do, he didn't know and asked what I "needed" to do.� I remarked, I NEEDED to get cat food but that was it.� I said at some point soon, we needed to go to Costco.� That was all I had.� He finally decided we were going out but when he got in the car, he got a bit assy, saying "No one is telling me where we are going!"� When did this become my issue?� I was relatively content at home.� See guys, here's the thing.� We love going out and we have lots of things we like to do, but THEY ARE OF NO INTEREST TO YOU.� I could quite happily go walk around the mall, or the outlets, or even Target, but trust me, you men are not all that interested in going those places.� I am the minority in my family as the lone female, but will gladly go along with you to places that don't particularly interest me, but don't expect me to have a list of suggestions of places to go that do not really interest me.� Make sense?� I think so.

Hello Three Day Weekend!

Still only down 5.8 pounds but did poop again today!



The Laywer loved Outdoor school and when I offered to take him to lunch he was dead set on Burger King....so as I don't eat that, I took him through the drive thru.� One day when he is older maybe he will get the concept of a nice lunch with mama.



I ran my skit twice today at the church in front of empty pews and felt rather confident. Other than peeking for a few bits of wording, I know it.� I definitely know the flow of it so it is just fine tuning at this point.� I plan to run it once a day next week providing no one bothers me...and I don't want The Church Lady to know I am doing it at all or she won't come...after all, she doesn't like to see "the same people up there all the time."



The Brit is on his way home and should be here by the start of fire pit.� YAY!� The Genius and his attitude are at a football game.� Hope the stadium is big enough for two teams, fans and one huge attitude.� It is iffy at best.



Jimnotmike says he drank on South Beach but I don't do straight rum.� So where does that leave me?



Got in my fifth workout of the week today and dang if my legs are not just tired!� I wonder if it is the lack of carbs as with running, they tell you to eat carbs before a run.� My legs were positively DEAD yesterday morning.� No energy at all.� And it wasn't much better today.� So either I am dying of an undiagnosed disease that is sucking all my workout strength or it has something to do with South Beach.



Okay, short and sweet today.� Everyone have a fantabulous weekend!� Stay safe and have fun!

Thursday 13: Take Two

1. I just had this entire post written when my computer locked up and killed my post so leave lots of comments as I am rewriting the WHOLE FREAKING THING!



2. This week has had its difficult moments with The Genius.� When The Brit is away, The Genius forgets things like rules and manners.� This morning when I was at my desk, he walked in, and put a form on my desk and walked away without a word.� It was the form for the $55 athletic fee for Cross Country.� I told him tonight that until he learned to communicate what he needed I could not be bothered to write a check for him.� So far, he is still not communicating.



3. I have been awake since 3:49 this morning.� Just woke up and could not go back to sleep and then my alarm went off at 5:30 to run.� My run was crap, probably due to being up since 3:49.



4. I had a fight with The Church Lady (TCL)�this morning and when it happened The Council Member (TCM) was in my office and she could not believe how TCL picked the fight.� It started because TCM gave her a list of people from the early service who were willing to go into a rotation to read the lessons.� TCM suggested TCL put it on a calendar so people knew what month they had to read and TCL completely poo-pooed this idea as it is her way or the highway.� I was on the rotation and TCL remarked that I was her backup person (and I very rarely have to fill in for someone) and she also remarked that another man loved to read and might want to read more often than once every nine months (trust me, no one is lying awake in excitement waiting for their next month to lay read).� I told her that loved to lay read but she never asked me and she replied that I was in the praise band so she didn't want to use me (important to know that she uses several other praise band people and several people on the choir) and I told her it did not interfere with my praise band duties.� Then she said that the people sitting in the pews don't like to see the same person up there all the time.� So obviously, it is me she has a problem with.� I stood up and said "I have to use the bathroom and you don't listen to anything I say anyway." and I left the office.� When I returned she asked me a question she knew the answer to and I said, "Don't ask me; I don't know anything." Then she said, "Well, you do,� you just don't want to talk."� Nope honey, not to you.� Then she finished her bulletins and slammed out of the office.� A seventy year old tantrum and I don't care.� She is the most pessimistic person I know.



5. I am so glad it is a three day weekend and I have extra time in this week so I am going to leave early and go to the gym tomorrow before picking up The Lawyer when he returns from Outdoor school and maybe taking him to lunch.



6. I wonder if he will confess to having a good time or if he will play it cool and say it was awful.



7. I went shopping today and got an amazing pair of sandals at Penneys for 9.97.



8. For anyone wanting to be supportive, at our combined service on the 12th, at 10:15 I am doing the drama monologue "Rocks"for the sermon.� Would love to see some of you there.� I have always wanted to do this skit and hope I do not screw it up.



9. So due to this skit, I was trying to find the right shirt to wear for it today...but I couldn't find anything

I liked that matched the sandals.



10. I am really tired and hot.



11. I have no idea what I had written for the last few things before my internet became an asshat.



12. I did no housecleaning today and all and it was very freeing.



13. South Beach score after day 4: Pounds-5, poops-1, clogged toilets-1.� And Tod, thank you for the omelet suggestion.� This morning I had an omelet with cheese, onion and avocado and because I was so missing the sweetness of my toast and jam, I put a tablespoon of sugar free peach jam on it too and it was divine.� I am in love with the SB S'mores bars too...yum.� And not in love with tomorrow being the first fire pit night i cannot drink due to SB.� Le sigh.

 

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Sorry Son, you Can't Switch Familes

So yesterday morning, I was driving The Lawyer to school as he was leaving for Outdoor school until Friday.� He was loathe to go; he wanted to stay home.� I kept encouraging him to experience all he could in life and that I knew he was going to have a great time.� He told me to stop saying that because it was not true.� I asked him in Lane, his best buddy, was going and he said:



Lawyer: No.



Me:� How come?



L: He didn't want to go and his parents aren't making him.� I wish I was his brother.



Ah well, he is there and probably having a great time by now.



The Genius on the other hand....third week of school and he is already short 4 out of 6 assignments in his Government class.� Le sigh.�



South Beach day three and I am down three pounds.� Honestly, it has not been that difficult and it is amazing how much carb eating is nothing more than habit.� Carbs make you hungry for more carbs and due to not eating any, I am eating much less as I am not craving anything or feeling hungry.� I do hate the eggs for breakfast as my oatmeal helps keep me regular and you all know what I mean.� In a nutshell, I have not pooped today and that concerns me espeically given my 'roid issues of the past.� Ugh.� Other than breakfast it is all good...I just cannot wait to get my oatmeal back!



So on day three, Pounds: 3� Bowels: 0