Where Am I?

So yesterday, Meg was talking about being happy or not where she is in life right now, which inspired me to take my own lifelong inventory.

At almost 42 years old, I can't remember all my goals from when I was a teenager.  I know that I always wanted to write, and though I do write in several personal venues, I have not written anything that I have tried to have published and that, in some ways, is still a dream of mine.  However, with the presence of new goals, it doesn't seem quite as urgent all the time.

The funny thing is that my mind has always felt way younger than it really is. Oh sure, I have more wisdom now (at least I think I do!) than I had at 16, but in trying to wrap my head around being almost 42, I almost can't do it.  That inability is almost more difficult now since having surgery and losing 55 pounds so far (that damn last pound to make it less than 100 pounds to lose is just not happening!), because my body feels better than it has felt in years! 

Of course, feeling that way has caused me to have brand new goals that were only pipe dreams before.  For months I had bookmarked on my internet browser, the picture of the bike I wanted.  That bike is now mine and I am bicycling for the first time in 26 years and loving it!  With that goal being achieved, I have been spending time thinking and anxiously waiting for the next goal to be met, which is to learn to horseback ride.  I bought this today from eBay:



which was a negotiation from this one:



because the latter was over $100 and the one I bought was $24.  But it's a reminder of the next phase, the next dream, the next goal.  Where I want to be.

I finally feel like I am living life to the fullest.  Not that I did absolutely nothing before, because I have always kept busy, but there is a real joy in having a body that is starting to work properly and is cooperating with the things I want it to do.  There is still work to be done, but it is happening.  I feel more impulsive now instead of more guarded (I'm hightailing it out of town tomorrow with the kids to drive almost four hours to the ocean for two days.  A year ago, I'm not sure I would have done that sadly). 

I'm living a life right now I only dreamed of before and the possibilities seem endless and it isn't that my life is magical or all my problems have suddenly disappeared.  It's just that not everything is measured in pounds for me anymore.  Simple things that used to be hard, are now enjoyable and that constantly amazes me.  Add to it a wonderful family in The Brit and two kids, friends who so positively support me and a God whose mercies are new every morning.

I am right where I want to be.