Back from the short posts

I have to tell you that I am totally suffering from writer's block on this blog!  

There is just nothing new to report on the surgery that has taken over my life because I am now in another waiting game; waiting for April 15th.  Tomorrow is my pre-op clearance testing with my PCP, so I'll be having an H&P (history and physical), blood work and an EKG.  My chest x-ray was completed last month, so I just need to make sure it has been faxed to the surgeon.

My nerves are kicking in a little more frequently now, the closer we get.  We are now out of the 30s and into the 20s (T minus 29 days!) and that freaks me out a little.  Please know that I have no doubts that I am doing the right thing.  I have no doubts that I will not die on the table (and if I do, I'm going Home, so it's all good).  I really don't have many fears about soft foods or learning to eat differently.  So, what is making me nervous?  Immediate stuff post-op.  Pain?  Yeah, I'm a little concerned.  I think I have a high pain tolerance, especially given my last broken bone, but my last pre-op was oh, 35 years ago.  So, I'm a little apprehensive.  That is really my biggest fear.  Yes, when I think about them having those surgical implements inside of me, I feel really queasy, but I remind myself that I will not be awake for it and then I get all freaked out thinking "How in the hell am I not going to feel that???"  I know I won't, but it doesn't keep me from trying to wrap my mind around how it is really possible. 

I continue to fill my time the best I can, preparing and getting ahead with spring cleaning (despite the again cold temperatures, damnit!) all the while trying to mentally prepare myself as well. 

Music has always calmed the savage beast within me.  It soothes my soul and calms my mind when it is tormented, so I thought I'd share with you the titles of some of my very favorites.  I am a Contemporary Christian gal at heart as nothing speaks to me like lyrics reminding me that I am never alone, no matter how awful things might feel at any given moment.  The songs calm me and center me, so my favorites without further ado:

"My Savior, My God"  Aaron Shust
"Standing in the Gap" Babbie Mason
"Hold Me Jesus" Big Daddy Weave
"Set the World on Fire" Britt Nicole
So many by Casting Crowns:  "East to West", "If We Are the Body" "Who Am I", "Praise You in this Storm" I love this band.
"Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)" Chris Tomlin
"I'm Amazed" FFH
"The Potter's Hands" Hillsongs
Kathy Troccoli: Anything and everything but my favorites are "How Would I Know", "Help Me God", "Break My Heart"
"Only Hope" Mandy Moore
Mark Schultz, another favorite: "Broken and Beautiful", "Walking Her Home", "Remember Me", "Letters From War".
MercyMe (are you bored yet?): "Bring the Rain", "God with Us", "Homesick"
Nicole Nordeman "Why", "Hold On" "Every Season", "Legacy"
Relient K "Getting into You"
"Ocean" Ten Shekel Shirt (one of my very favorites as the ocean is my favorite of all of God's creations)
"What Could Be Better" 33 Miles
Then just a few songs that a friend once sent me and I'm not positive of the artists without Googling them: "The Word", "This Road" (Ginny Owens, I believe), "If You Want me To"

And these are all on ipod to take the hospital with me in 29 days.