Just Breathe

I never thought it would be so hard to be at home.  But there is something to be said about being together in grief and the past few days I have felt very alone. 

I had a complete meltdown last night after the kids went to bed as my grief finally started to catch up to me.  I did sleep better thankfully for about six hours, though once the first alarm went off and I made sure Aaron was awake, my mind wouldn't shut back down for me to catch that last hour. 

At work, I was totally struggling and then The Brit called. The funeral will definitely not be until next Thursday.  He made mention of wishing we had worked this out differently as he wished I was there and meltdown numero two happened.  I tried to explain how I didn't know it would be so hard to be here with him and the rest of my British family 3000 miles away.  I miss them all and my heart aches with them and for them. 

So with things being pushed back a week, we decided he would look at flights for me and I would see what I could arrange for the kids if I were to cross the pond after Easter.  I felt like it was the first time I had breathed since that horrible phone call Sunday morning.  The kids are arranged already because I have amazing people in my life; now I just have to wait to hear if the flight will be a decent price.

Did do kickboxing tonight as I needed a diversion and Brit, Jack told me to tell you how sorry he was and that he had a similar situation when he lost his dad.  Then we chatted about England for awhile as he had been there too.  I like him; he's a bully in class, but a compassionate human being in real life.

I'll know tomorrow if I'll be flying solo soon.  Thank you all for your prayers and keep 'em coming.