More Questions than Answers

I spend a lot of internet time perusing articles on weight loss and weight loss surgery.  I get email alerts for articles on those subjects because I am always interested in what people have to say, but sometimes I find it really frustrating.

The following snippet came off the Oprah.com message board.  The history is a typical story for any of us who have had or are considering WLS.  She had it, lost weight:

"But the weight loss stopped. It stalled. It dug in its heels. It froze at nine above the weight that I had determined was the peak of success! During these past three years the creep up crept up slowly, almost unnoticeably at first. Then overnight - plop - fat globules infested my new found smaller frame. I went into a slow slide back into the world of obese."

This scenario leaves me with more questions, such as, what did she change?  Did she fall back into old eating habits?  Did she stop going to the gym?  I didn't see any accountability in her post; just that the weight suddenly came back.  I don't think that after RNY weight just comes back without us falling back into old behaviors. 

I would like to think that I am exempt from that ever happening to me, but I know I'm not, which is why I posted about my terrible day yesterday.  I needed to be accountable for the choices I made yesterday.  I also don't believe that there will ever be a day for the rest of my life when I can let my guard down.  When I can stop walking or exercising because I'm "cured".  I will never be able to eat anything I want because I'm "cured" and will no longer gain weight from stuffing crap in my mouth.

But the urge to do it never goes away.  What we have to learn to do is to manage it.  I still get cravings, though thankfully they are not as bad as they were a year ago and often now they aren't for things nearly as bad as a year ago.  The other plus is that now, a small piece of something craved causes me to feel satiated, but I think that is a part of learning to manage our cravings.

My love/hate relationship with carbs keeps my butt exercising at least 5 days a week.  I try not to buy many carbs, but I do have a thing for animal crackers and those stupid Cheez-Its, but though I am not yet at a place to completely deny myself, I try to manage my cravings by only taking a handful and not the box into the next room with me. 

I know I am not going to be 100% good all the time.  If I even thought I could be, I would be setting myself up to fail.  As much as I want to be a model RNY patient, I'm going to have occasional days like yesterday.  The important thing?  That they are occasional.  That I recognize them.  That I act upon them.  Do I need to stop buying animal crackers and Cheez-Its?  Probably, but I'm not quite there yet.  I fear not having them could lead to something worse when I want a snack.  A handful of carbs plus a two mile walk can still equal success. Complete denial could equal failure.

It's all about balance.  Being a balanced person trying to lead a balanced life and doing the best we can.  Remaining accountable because it is so important.

And most of all, never giving up.